Showing posts from December, 2008

This Time of Year

I feel empty. It has been a year of huge losses and a huge gain and huge changes. Some structural, some internal. Jobs, relationships. How I see who I am.

I tried to fill the empty feeling with activities: tennis, crafts, socializing. Feelings demand their own time with you. They will not tolerate dismissive attitudes and approaches. They won't be pushed aside. They won't be treated with a systematic approach. They know you are reluctant to face them, they call you to be courageous rather than fearful.

I don't want to face them alone, but I am not in a position or a personality that would easily "share" them with others. There is the feeling of pressure to perform emotionally. I had a huge success and I like to share it with others, and some people are kind and understand the prices I have paid to achieve this success, and I can just feel they understand and they don't force me to talk about the other side of success, but I can share that with them. This is ni…